Somewhere between tears and laughter.
I know it was the answer to my unanswered question.
"How can I leave him when I love him so much?"
It took away my options and calmed my fears.
I didn't have to walk away and 'leave him here'.
Didn't have to 'harden my heart' against the feelings.
Just have to find a way to start the healing.
I loved him and I kinda, sorta thought he loved me.
Even though I knew his past and never could he,
Be faithful to his woman, whether girlfriend or wife.
He's selfish and controlling, and he's been all his life.
So when he walked away and removed all my choices,
He effectively silenced all my inner voices.
That had clamored about, begging to be heard.
The hope for his loved seemed to them absurd.
I'm on the edge of sorrow and feeling such relief.
I'm crying and I'm laughing and dealing with the grief.
I'm happy that he left me, I'm sad he had to go.
I'm glad I didn't have to leave him,
When I love him so.