David Lee Rotten
  • Home
  • About
  • Pix
    • Pics with Friends
  • Videos
  • Blog
  • Dates
  • Booking
  • Mama

Mama's a Dancing Cannibal!!!

10/2/2014

1 Comment

 
I like lists.

Not all the time. Not compulsively, (you know who you are Jody, LOL) but a must-have when preparing for a trip. Thus my fairly comprehensive list prior to my month-long visit to New York last summer. An exciting event to anticipate and coming at a fortuitous time for me after my recent life-changing breakup.

Camera
Toiletries
Underwear
C-pap (gotta breathe)
Capris
Tops
Jacket
Jeans
Socks
Nightgowns

Then David called; DLR  "Hey, you'll be here for the Naked Highway video shoot of Cannibal in Philly! Maybe you can be in it. Could you get together sort of a french maid's outfit?"

Added to the list! Happily/weirdly, I had everything needed except the apron. Bought material to take with and included 'sewing machine' on my list. So glad I did-used on several projects while there.

On the appointed day, we piled into my little convertible with all our supplies. A beautiful, sunny drive from Brooklyn to Philadelphia. Only been there once, being from the opposite corner of the state. 

The building was beautiful-seemed historic-a lovely apartment and a suitably large and believably eerie basement. The director/cameraman and all the participants present and donning their costumes. The lovely body-parts David had fashioned on their platters and ready for serving. (the song is Cannibal after all) The beautifully appointed banquet table. The tasty pre-shoot wine provided.

The process like layers; Sy alone; David alone; Sy and David together; just the table. So much filming before the feast. I was watching and enjoying and sipping in my maid's costume. Suddenly, I received my first direction."Why don't you go over behind David and start dancing?"

What?! Yay for wine!

The whole experience just SO COOL and I love the finished product. The lighting, the subtle acting of the guests, the fun campiness, the venue, the props, the catchy song itself; all came together in the best way!

I hate to admit, but it is a little difficult to see myself on the screen. The years. The pounds. Do we ever grow up, accept ourselves, love ourselves as we are, enough to just enjoy and not obsess?

David excitedly told me today that some of his friends think that I stole the show.

Ignoring a lifetime of self-doubt, I will make the choice to be happy with me!

Thanks guys, for including me. I'll never forget it!
1 Comment

Over?

9/17/2014

0 Comments

 

Getting better everyday.
It's over.

Yearning never stops.
It's over.

Missing his touch.
Over.

Try to ignore and just go on. Tell myself I'm lucky.
Dodging that bullet!

But once in awhile, just once in awhile.
I'm there in my head.

I breathe him in, my mouth on him, his mouth on me.
So close behind him, so close behind me.
Moving against him, flush from our dance.
He's kneeling over me-stretching my limb, mouth warm and wet.
On my toes, foot, leg.
More sensual, more moving,
Than anything I've known.

Never will be another him for me.
0 Comments

Good Grief

9/4/2014

5 Comments

 
When did it become unacceptable to mourn or grieve for more than a little while and in more than a quiet way over anything-anyone? Buck-up and go on.

We say, "She's taking it so hard." Why-because she cried? Then we say, "She's holding up so well." Why-because she didn't?

Have you ever seen foreign people on television who've lost a loved one? They scream and cry and get loud and maybe even beat their chest or fall prostrate onto the ground. They don't shed a civilized tear, take a Xanax and go on. They aren't 'holding up'. They aren't quiet and sad and holding it all inside with a brave, noble face. They experience their grief and their pain.

They make a scene.

When my mother died, I did the quiet tears, the 'normal' behaviors, the usual. Until one day I began screaming in my car. I couldn't scream loud enough or long enough. Even though I was alone, I was embarrassed and soon stopped. Never did that again.

It took seven years for the pall death had cast to disappear. I only realized it was a pervasive presence when it was gone. What if I hadn't kept it all in, hadn't 'held up' so well, hadn't masked the sorrow, hidden the grief? Would I have healed more quickly if I hadn't pretended all those years?

Why do we want everyone to get over everything so quickly? We get annoyed and impatient and start withdrawing when someone doesn't just "move on" with their lives after a great loss.

I'm impatient with myself right now because I should just get over that man. I can tell, when I occasionally speak of him, that some others agree. But should our loved ones be that disposable? Should I think that little of a seven year relationship and the one I gave my heart to? Should I disparage my sorrow and my tears because, after all, it's been over five months?

My best friend's son died a little over a year ago. I can't even fathom losing a child! The grief sites she visits say it's worse the second and third years after the loss of a loved one. My first thought was, "People want you to be over it after a year." You feel the withdrawal and lack of response and support. So you don't talk about it. You internalize your grief. You're alone with it.

There's an expression I've heard, "A problem shared is a problem halved." Maybe if it was acceptable to 'share our grief' and keep on sharing, it wouldn't turn inward and grow depression, alienation, introversion and more grief.

I need to listen to my own grief and accept it. I need to listen to others' grief and accept it.

                                                         WE ALL DO.
5 Comments

Mama Seuss

8/29/2014

1 Comment

 
It's been five months without that man. Most days I'm happy. Today the car wouldn't start. Called
AAA. They sent a little boy who knew the basics but not much more. He got me started and I went to
an auto parts store. "It's not your battery, ma'am." Great! Could happen again-who knows. Stopped 
at Staples and bought a computer chair. Tears just came on the way home. I needed to sort through 
my feelings and out came this poem. My daughter read it and said it reminded her of Dr Seuss.

Why am I surprised,
By this sadness and tears?
I've grieved for so many,
For so many years.

I know there are good days,
I know there are bad.
So why the surprise,
That I'm feeling so sad?

I know by heart,
How grief comes and goes.
Some days you feel happy,
Right down to your toes.

Some days you don't think,
You'll be normal again.
But tomorrow will come,
And it eases the pain.

So I'll just cry,
And I'll welcome the tears.
The warm, cleansing rain,
Falling into my ears.

I'll know they're God's taxies,
To cleanse away sorrow.
And when I wake up,
It will be tomorrow.
1 Comment
    Picture

    Kathy Brooks aka
    Mama Lee Rotten

    I am a writer living in Mt. Vernon, Ohio. I enjoy thrift shopping, working in the garden, singing karaoke and spending time with my children and grandchildren. I have only recently started writing, and one of my poems, "Song 4 You" has already been adapted to music by my son, David Lee Rotten (of Naked Highway), and will be released in early 2015 on his debut solo album/video project Bound.  

    Archives

    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014

    Categories

    All
    9/11
    America
    Animal Rescue
    Baby
    Birthday
    Break Up
    Break-up
    Cannibal
    Cheater
    Computers
    Contentment
    Depression
    Fall
    Family
    Frustration
    Grandson
    Healing
    Heartbreak
    Home
    Immigration
    Infidelity
    Insomnia
    Loss
    Love
    Memories
    Milton The Fox Terrier
    Mourning
    Music
    Musing
    Naked Highway
    Navy
    New York City
    Nostalgia
    Peaceful
    Philadelphia
    Poem
    Poetry
    Robin Williams
    San Diego
    Sexuality
    Shyness
    Sisters
    Strength
    Summer

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly