Dragging my sick ass into 2014 - I need your help!!!

I'm sick.  I've had a cold for 5 days now.  I have left the apartment a total of twice in that time, and each short venture has worn me out.  Prior to this cold, I had a touch of the flu on Christmas eve and Christmas, a lovely gift from my darling Peter, who had been as sick as a dog.  I don't think I have actually felt 100% in about two weeks.  I'm sick of being freaking SICK!!!!  Maybe the home-made sambucus (elderberry) syrup that Peter made for me on Saturday will knock this crap out of me in the next day or two... but in the meantime, I am worried...

You see, every January, I take part in Miss Millennium with a longtime group of friends.  We all put together fun drag characters and have a pageant.  None of us do drag regularly, but we are all artists and performers who really have fun playing together.  Here's the problem - I'm supposed to be on a stage performing - singing, dancing, improvising in full character mode, with multiple costume changes including eveningwear, swimwear and several other outfits, in just 5 days.  And I'm still too sick to even go thrift-shopping. 

David Lee Rotten as Eva Destruction
Miss Millennium Pageant 2009

So what's a guy like me supposed to do?  Perform with a half-assed character, poorly planned and generically dressed?  Maybe.  I have a few ideas that could work...  But I really want to know: are there any fun funny drag characters that you can think of?  Please put any and all suggestions in the comments section of my blog here!!!  And even if I don't use your idea this year, maybe I'll be able to create your genius idea when I drag my (hopefully healthy) ass into 2015! 

XOXO
DLR